An update

I haven't updated the blog for some time now. I have been quite busy with many different activities. Mainly because my sister and a friend visited me for almost 3 weeks so I spent most time with them in Ningbo and we even went to Beijing for a few days.Other than that I have been busy with several activities such as studying for my last exams and I passed them all. I will write all about it later, but now I need to write some sad stuff off me.

Today, as yesterday and the day before, I feel very bad. The class along with many other international students went on a day trip to several locations. It was a very good day, but when I came home later that evening I read on Facebook that several friends wrote "rest in peace" on a friends wall, Jori's wall. A bad feeling rushed through my body. I tried to find out what happened but no one were online to respond my questions. I found out by reading the local newspaper on the Internet. Apparently there were a fight just 300 meters away from my apartment in Sweden, involving my friend and another man, both armed with knives. The fight resulted in the other man being severely injured and my friend was stabbed in his chest and his life could not be saved due to his injuries.

Even though I haven't seen him for a while I felt chocked and very sad, and I still am. It's quite hard to write now and keep tears away from my eyes.
Later that evening I planned to go out with friends for drinks and karaoke. After the news I wasn't in the mood for doing anything at all. A friend persuaded me from staying at home alone so I went out anyway. We had a really good time at first and it felt nice to have lots of laughs. At this point I was happy for letting me being persuaded. We ended up at the KTV for singing songs and it was fun at first. But after some time and a few beers later that changed. One of the music videos was about a knife fight that didn't end well, and while watching it I could feel the bad feeling to rush through my body once again, since it reminded me of what happened to Jori. I felt really sad but didn't really show it, I was silent. When I think I had to much I tried to seek some support with a friend. I really needed to talk to someone or just get some company. My friend gave me a very harsh respond and that surprised me and made me even more confused. While being emotional and a bit drunk I made things more complicated and instead of saying what really was on my mind about my dead friend I started to raise questions. This was received in the wrong way and we had an argument.

It is very easy to say "If you need a friend I will be there for you", but really being there is another thing it seems. I needed a friend at that time. Of course I understand the reaction, especially after the amount of alcohol my friend had been drinking. But then why can't people be more understanding about my behavior just a few hours after losing a friend in a knife fight?

To my friend Jori: I know we haven't spent time in some years but I still remember the time we had with a smile. I am writing this with tears in my eyes. Rest in peace my friend, I will always remember you.