And a heavy arrival

It's not that I'm not glad to be back in Sweden, because I am glad. I am happy to meet my family and friends and I do spend lots of time with them. I am gradually adjusting myself to a life here in Sweden, but it seem to be a slow process. There are many things about China I miss to much. Going back wouldn't help, since what I miss are spread over Europe and not China. I can't listen to Shakira, Akon or Lady Gaga without feeling a bit sad but also happy. It makes me wanna be in Laowai tan having fun with my friends. Good times! I think this is because I have nothing special to do here for another 4 weeks. I know that I really need a vacation and take care of myself, but that is just not me. I need some kind of action, something to engage in. However, I must force myself to just relax. It's been some years since last vacation. Even if I had something to do I am not sure that Sweden is the place for me to be right now. After just one day in Sweden I started to wonder where to go next. I have some ideas, but I guess time will tell. Funny, while being in China I didn't miss much from home, but now when I am back I miss a lot from China.
I hope I will see my friends soon.

I am not complaining, I have a good life going on here. But over one year ago I knew exactly where I was going, but that changed over one day and maybe I am still facing the consequences. I  think I do. My friend told me 2 weeks ago that I am lost, and I think that's a pretty good way of describing it. OK, I have done countless things the past times to secure my future, and the next 9 months will give me a solid foundation. I am not known to be patient, that's all. Again, I am not complaining, I am just explaining the situation to myself. Also, I was asked by several people how it feels to be back and what I have been doing.

As I wrote in an earlier post my friend was killed on an open street not far from my apartment. Soon after my arrival I visited the place of murder and it was a bit weird. 2 days later I attended his funeral and that was even more odd. Not saying good bye to Jori, but facing so many of my friends from the past. That was both good and tragic. If I think that I am lost, that is nothing compare to what most of them are right now. Some of them had just been released from prison and some was on probation from rehab. Yes, tragic. I think I was the only one with a collage education, except for Amir who has one year left in medical school. That made me really happy to hear.
The funeral was very personal and the church was overfilled with friends. Some even had to sit outside. Even the priest was a friend to us all, and he made the ceremony a bit joyful. One of the songs that was played during the funeral was Slippin' by DMX, and I have it in my head since.

I took a walk down The Avenue in the center of Göteborg a week ago. The big street was filled with tourists in the sunny weather. Even if there was more crowd than Ningbo, somehow it felt more calm and quiet. No one was looking and shouting at me(!). Wow, if felt good to be anonymous. I really do love this city during summer. Just hanging around at some cafe or taking a walk on the beautiful streets, breathing the atmosphere is a feeling. This is what I have been doing since I came back, and spending time with loved ones of course. Every evening since my arrival I had a drink with different friends. Good stuff, and right now I am waiting for one of my best friends Michael to show up. We will catch up the past 6 months. And to have a drink of course!