It's not that I'm not glad to be back in Sweden, because I am glad. I am happy to meet my family and friends and I do spend lots of time with them. I am gradually adjusting myself to a life here in Sweden, but it seem to be a slow process. There are many things about China I miss to much. Going back wouldn't help, since what I miss are spread over Europe and not China. I can't listen to Shakira, Akon or Lady Gaga without feeling a bit sad but also happy. It makes me wanna be in Laowai tan having fun with my friends. Good times! I think this is because I have nothing special to do here for another 4 weeks. I know that I really need a vacation and take care of myself, but that is just not me. I need some kind of action, something to engage in. However, I must force myself to just relax. It's been some years since last vacation. Even if I had something to do I am not sure that Sweden is the place for me to be right now. After just one day in Sweden I started to wonder where to go next. I have some ideas, but I guess time will tell. Funny, while being in China I didn't miss much from home, but now when I am back I miss a lot from China.
I hope I will see my friends soon.
I am not complaining, I have a good life going on here. But over one year ago I knew exactly where I was going, but that changed over one day and maybe I am still facing the consequences. I think I do. My friend told me 2 weeks ago that I am lost, and I think that's a pretty good way of describing it. OK, I have done countless things the past times to secure my future, and the next 9 months will give me a solid foundation. I am not known to be patient, that's all. Again, I am not complaining, I am just explaining the situation to myself. Also, I was asked by several people how it feels to be back and what I have been doing.
As I wrote in an earlier post my friend was killed on an open street not far from my apartment. Soon after my arrival I visited the place of murder and it was a bit weird. 2 days later I attended his funeral and that was even more odd. Not saying good bye to Jori, but facing so many of my friends from the past. That was both good and tragic. If I think that I am lost, that is nothing compare to what most of them are right now. Some of them had just been released from prison and some was on probation from rehab. Yes, tragic. I think I was the only one with a collage education, except for Amir who has one year left in medical school. That made me really happy to hear.
The funeral was very personal and the church was overfilled with friends. Some even had to sit outside. Even the priest was a friend to us all, and he made the ceremony a bit joyful. One of the songs that was played during the funeral was Slippin' by DMX, and I have it in my head since.
I took a walk down The Avenue in the center of Göteborg a week ago. The big street was filled with tourists in the sunny weather. Even if there was more crowd than Ningbo, somehow it felt more calm and quiet. No one was looking and shouting at me(!). Wow, if felt good to be anonymous. I really do love this city during summer. Just hanging around at some cafe or taking a walk on the beautiful streets, breathing the atmosphere is a feeling. This is what I have been doing since I came back, and spending time with loved ones of course. Every evening since my arrival I had a drink with different friends. Good stuff, and right now I am waiting for one of my best friends Michael to show up. We will catch up the past 6 months. And to have a drink of course!
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Heavy departure
I don't think I could have asked for a better ending of my time in China. The last evening Senthil took Céline, Emilie and me to Shangri La, a hotel down town, to have the buffet. The food and wine was great, and so was the company. We had some laughs and I think we all enjoyed the evening. Afterwards, a bit to full, we took a walk down to The Londoner where we had a drink. Echo joined up later and it was nice to see the weird China-man before going home. I had to go home to pack the last of my belongings so we didn't stay to long. After saying good bye to everyone I was companioned for a chat and tea at my place. While talking about our memories in China it all felt so distant, and first then I realized it would all end. A bit sad, yes, but it felt like it was time to move forward as well. Saying good bye to everyone that evening was surprisingly easy. It felt like we will see each other soon enough anyway.
After a good bye hugs I had to continue packing with swift. I went to bed at 03:00 and my alarm clock woke me up one hour later, at 04.00. 50 minutes later I grabbed my bags and went looking for a taxi to take me to the McDonald's next to the bus station. This was the biggest mistake of that day. The coffee was great, but there was something fishy with the omelet, or maybe the chicken burger. Just a few minutes after my meal I felt ill. I had a 22 hour journey ahead of my and I was about to spend it being food poisoned. At this writing moment I am still not recovered. Maybe the stress had something to do with it. Not only the packing had been stressful, but also realizing that the time in China was over. Also the good byes took it's tolls of course, but I am about to come to the most stressful thing that day.
Just after arriving Shanghai I changed bus and headed for Pu dong airport, a one hour drive. At the check in desk they didn't say anything about the 2kg overweight of my check in luggage. However, I was told to remove 2kg from my hand luggage. I was only allowed to carry 12kg, and that includes accessories like my camera bag. I took my bag and went around the corner to KLM's information desk. I asked them if they could keep an eye of my 3kg laptop for 10 minutes. The pretty lady behind the desk refused but after putting on a smile and bribing her with some of my travel candy (thanks Helen!) she finally gave in. I returned to the check in with one laptop less in my hand luggage. OK, 11kg and my bag got a tag showing that it was approved to carry aboard. I went back to the help desk and reclaimed my laptop and put it in the bag. At the security check a guard stopped me and asked why I was carrying 2 bags. He pointed at my camera bag that the lady at the check in didn't notice earlier. I explained with poor Chinese that one small bag is also allowed. Then he placed both bags on a scale and the meter shower over 19kg. I was screwed. The guard told me to redo the luggage check and get a signature from the check in that confirms my bags are in order. What was I suppose to do now?
I felt a bit silly when I handed in my laptop a second time at the help desk. But what about my 5kg camera bag? It was stuffed with several things. At this point I was glad I saved a small camera bag I bought in Beijing. I moved the camera over to the small bag along with some other articles. I managed to hide the small bag from the lady in the check in while she checked the hand luggage and my big camera bag. "Everything seems to be in order", she said and gave me the signature. Once I got all my stuff together I went back the security guard who saluted me and asked for the paper. Still he was not satisfied, since my luggage was over 19kg also this time. After a minor argument he took a note about my passport number, flight number etc and let me go. He was to check it out later, I was told. To my enjoyment I made it all the way home with my luggage without a 100 Euro fee.
The flight went smooth but it was a minor hell feeling like I did, because of a bad stomach. Funny, I made it without any problems for 5 months in China and I become food poisoned the last day. Due to my condition I could not sleep for more than a few minutes every interval. It made me feel worse, and I had to force myself to eat anything on the plane.
I promised the day before that I would smoke my last cigarette in Amsterdam and be smoke free in Sweden. That cigarette tasted so bad that I could only smoke half of it. It almost made me vomit so I threw it. I know what you are thinking and no, I have not started to smoke. For the past weeks I have been smoking every day, but not even during my long flight I felt the need of nicotine. I just enjoyed the smokes in China and my last time there was all about pleasure. Stupid, people tells me. Yes, but I enjoyed it, and that is my rock solid defense.
I arrived Göteborg at 23:00 and my mother with man picked me up. They saved me some barbecue at home but unfortunately I could not eat that much. I crashed at their apartment that night. I only had 1 hour of sleep in 37 hours so I was beyond exhausted and sick. For some reason I could only sleep until 07:00, so that morning I had a long chat with my mother in the balcony, along with a black cup of coffee.
I planned to write about my first day back home, but now I realize that the post is already to long. I chose to stop here and continue after the weekend. Now I must try a few of my dark suites and find a black tie. I have a funeral to attend tomorrow morning...
After a good bye hugs I had to continue packing with swift. I went to bed at 03:00 and my alarm clock woke me up one hour later, at 04.00. 50 minutes later I grabbed my bags and went looking for a taxi to take me to the McDonald's next to the bus station. This was the biggest mistake of that day. The coffee was great, but there was something fishy with the omelet, or maybe the chicken burger. Just a few minutes after my meal I felt ill. I had a 22 hour journey ahead of my and I was about to spend it being food poisoned. At this writing moment I am still not recovered. Maybe the stress had something to do with it. Not only the packing had been stressful, but also realizing that the time in China was over. Also the good byes took it's tolls of course, but I am about to come to the most stressful thing that day.
Just after arriving Shanghai I changed bus and headed for Pu dong airport, a one hour drive. At the check in desk they didn't say anything about the 2kg overweight of my check in luggage. However, I was told to remove 2kg from my hand luggage. I was only allowed to carry 12kg, and that includes accessories like my camera bag. I took my bag and went around the corner to KLM's information desk. I asked them if they could keep an eye of my 3kg laptop for 10 minutes. The pretty lady behind the desk refused but after putting on a smile and bribing her with some of my travel candy (thanks Helen!) she finally gave in. I returned to the check in with one laptop less in my hand luggage. OK, 11kg and my bag got a tag showing that it was approved to carry aboard. I went back to the help desk and reclaimed my laptop and put it in the bag. At the security check a guard stopped me and asked why I was carrying 2 bags. He pointed at my camera bag that the lady at the check in didn't notice earlier. I explained with poor Chinese that one small bag is also allowed. Then he placed both bags on a scale and the meter shower over 19kg. I was screwed. The guard told me to redo the luggage check and get a signature from the check in that confirms my bags are in order. What was I suppose to do now?
I felt a bit silly when I handed in my laptop a second time at the help desk. But what about my 5kg camera bag? It was stuffed with several things. At this point I was glad I saved a small camera bag I bought in Beijing. I moved the camera over to the small bag along with some other articles. I managed to hide the small bag from the lady in the check in while she checked the hand luggage and my big camera bag. "Everything seems to be in order", she said and gave me the signature. Once I got all my stuff together I went back the security guard who saluted me and asked for the paper. Still he was not satisfied, since my luggage was over 19kg also this time. After a minor argument he took a note about my passport number, flight number etc and let me go. He was to check it out later, I was told. To my enjoyment I made it all the way home with my luggage without a 100 Euro fee.
The flight went smooth but it was a minor hell feeling like I did, because of a bad stomach. Funny, I made it without any problems for 5 months in China and I become food poisoned the last day. Due to my condition I could not sleep for more than a few minutes every interval. It made me feel worse, and I had to force myself to eat anything on the plane.
I promised the day before that I would smoke my last cigarette in Amsterdam and be smoke free in Sweden. That cigarette tasted so bad that I could only smoke half of it. It almost made me vomit so I threw it. I know what you are thinking and no, I have not started to smoke. For the past weeks I have been smoking every day, but not even during my long flight I felt the need of nicotine. I just enjoyed the smokes in China and my last time there was all about pleasure. Stupid, people tells me. Yes, but I enjoyed it, and that is my rock solid defense.
I arrived Göteborg at 23:00 and my mother with man picked me up. They saved me some barbecue at home but unfortunately I could not eat that much. I crashed at their apartment that night. I only had 1 hour of sleep in 37 hours so I was beyond exhausted and sick. For some reason I could only sleep until 07:00, so that morning I had a long chat with my mother in the balcony, along with a black cup of coffee.
I planned to write about my first day back home, but now I realize that the post is already to long. I chose to stop here and continue after the weekend. Now I must try a few of my dark suites and find a black tie. I have a funeral to attend tomorrow morning...
Thursday, July 15, 2010
A few days left
I have been quite productive the past week and it feels great. I managed to solve many problems and I also received some good news. That feels extra great because lots of things have been stressing my mind way over my limit the past weeks. I do need a vacation now and just take care of myself.
Where was I? Productive, yes! Seems like I have something to go back to in Sweden. How long I will stay I don't know. I figured that if I went to China I can go where ever I want, and I am a bit curious about France. We will see. Things can change really fast, and that has been proven to me several times the past weeks, for good and bad. I don't really know what to write in this post so I will just see where the words are taking me.
It's time to go home now. I will go to Shanghai early on Tuesday morning to fly home via Amsterdam. I will leave this country with split feelings. Sure, it will be nice to go home, but I'm sure I will miss China a lot. The thing that keeps me here right now is my friends, even if I unfortunately don't get along with all of them at the moment. Hopefully that changes before I leave, I still love them. However, they will leave as well, so there is no reason for me to stay because of that. Travelling inside Europe is simple so the distance should not be an excuse for not meeting again. Now it is time to get serious and move along. Time to stop playing and make some money. That is what I plan to do next. My time in China enhanced my opportunities for the future. I made more friends here than I could wish for and I plan to stay in touch with them. My dear friends really made my time in China the best time in my life so far. Also I made lots of connections, and I hope they will be beneficial for my upcoming plans. The Chinese people calls it GuanXi, relationships and personal network.
On Sunday I will have a dinner with one of my former students to discuss what we shall do next. Our plan is to do some kind of join venture when I am back in Europe. This will be very exciting for all of us I think. It's hard to find people in China that you really can trust while doing business so I think I am lucky. I don't know what will come out of this, but if I fail I have at least tried and learned something along the way. That is the story of my life so far and I believe that it can be time to enjoy the fruits of it in a near future.
I planned to write about my sisters visit and a song performance I did a few weeks ago, but I feel to tired so I will leave that for the weekend. Now it is time to relax with a coffee or a cold beer as only company on my balcony. Thanks for reading, more to come!
Where was I? Productive, yes! Seems like I have something to go back to in Sweden. How long I will stay I don't know. I figured that if I went to China I can go where ever I want, and I am a bit curious about France. We will see. Things can change really fast, and that has been proven to me several times the past weeks, for good and bad. I don't really know what to write in this post so I will just see where the words are taking me.
It's time to go home now. I will go to Shanghai early on Tuesday morning to fly home via Amsterdam. I will leave this country with split feelings. Sure, it will be nice to go home, but I'm sure I will miss China a lot. The thing that keeps me here right now is my friends, even if I unfortunately don't get along with all of them at the moment. Hopefully that changes before I leave, I still love them. However, they will leave as well, so there is no reason for me to stay because of that. Travelling inside Europe is simple so the distance should not be an excuse for not meeting again. Now it is time to get serious and move along. Time to stop playing and make some money. That is what I plan to do next. My time in China enhanced my opportunities for the future. I made more friends here than I could wish for and I plan to stay in touch with them. My dear friends really made my time in China the best time in my life so far. Also I made lots of connections, and I hope they will be beneficial for my upcoming plans. The Chinese people calls it GuanXi, relationships and personal network.
On Sunday I will have a dinner with one of my former students to discuss what we shall do next. Our plan is to do some kind of join venture when I am back in Europe. This will be very exciting for all of us I think. It's hard to find people in China that you really can trust while doing business so I think I am lucky. I don't know what will come out of this, but if I fail I have at least tried and learned something along the way. That is the story of my life so far and I believe that it can be time to enjoy the fruits of it in a near future.
I planned to write about my sisters visit and a song performance I did a few weeks ago, but I feel to tired so I will leave that for the weekend. Now it is time to relax with a coffee or a cold beer as only company on my balcony. Thanks for reading, more to come!
Friday, July 9, 2010
An update
I haven't updated the blog for some time now. I have been quite busy with many different activities. Mainly because my sister and a friend visited me for almost 3 weeks so I spent most time with them in Ningbo and we even went to Beijing for a few days.Other than that I have been busy with several activities such as studying for my last exams and I passed them all. I will write all about it later, but now I need to write some sad stuff off me.
Today, as yesterday and the day before, I feel very bad. The class along with many other international students went on a day trip to several locations. It was a very good day, but when I came home later that evening I read on Facebook that several friends wrote "rest in peace" on a friends wall, Jori's wall. A bad feeling rushed through my body. I tried to find out what happened but no one were online to respond my questions. I found out by reading the local newspaper on the Internet. Apparently there were a fight just 300 meters away from my apartment in Sweden, involving my friend and another man, both armed with knives. The fight resulted in the other man being severely injured and my friend was stabbed in his chest and his life could not be saved due to his injuries.
Even though I haven't seen him for a while I felt chocked and very sad, and I still am. It's quite hard to write now and keep tears away from my eyes.
Later that evening I planned to go out with friends for drinks and karaoke. After the news I wasn't in the mood for doing anything at all. A friend persuaded me from staying at home alone so I went out anyway. We had a really good time at first and it felt nice to have lots of laughs. At this point I was happy for letting me being persuaded. We ended up at the KTV for singing songs and it was fun at first. But after some time and a few beers later that changed. One of the music videos was about a knife fight that didn't end well, and while watching it I could feel the bad feeling to rush through my body once again, since it reminded me of what happened to Jori. I felt really sad but didn't really show it, I was silent. When I think I had to much I tried to seek some support with a friend. I really needed to talk to someone or just get some company. My friend gave me a very harsh respond and that surprised me and made me even more confused. While being emotional and a bit drunk I made things more complicated and instead of saying what really was on my mind about my dead friend I started to raise questions. This was received in the wrong way and we had an argument.
It is very easy to say "If you need a friend I will be there for you", but really being there is another thing it seems. I needed a friend at that time. Of course I understand the reaction, especially after the amount of alcohol my friend had been drinking. But then why can't people be more understanding about my behavior just a few hours after losing a friend in a knife fight?
To my friend Jori: I know we haven't spent time in some years but I still remember the time we had with a smile. I am writing this with tears in my eyes. Rest in peace my friend, I will always remember you.
Today, as yesterday and the day before, I feel very bad. The class along with many other international students went on a day trip to several locations. It was a very good day, but when I came home later that evening I read on Facebook that several friends wrote "rest in peace" on a friends wall, Jori's wall. A bad feeling rushed through my body. I tried to find out what happened but no one were online to respond my questions. I found out by reading the local newspaper on the Internet. Apparently there were a fight just 300 meters away from my apartment in Sweden, involving my friend and another man, both armed with knives. The fight resulted in the other man being severely injured and my friend was stabbed in his chest and his life could not be saved due to his injuries.
Even though I haven't seen him for a while I felt chocked and very sad, and I still am. It's quite hard to write now and keep tears away from my eyes.
Later that evening I planned to go out with friends for drinks and karaoke. After the news I wasn't in the mood for doing anything at all. A friend persuaded me from staying at home alone so I went out anyway. We had a really good time at first and it felt nice to have lots of laughs. At this point I was happy for letting me being persuaded. We ended up at the KTV for singing songs and it was fun at first. But after some time and a few beers later that changed. One of the music videos was about a knife fight that didn't end well, and while watching it I could feel the bad feeling to rush through my body once again, since it reminded me of what happened to Jori. I felt really sad but didn't really show it, I was silent. When I think I had to much I tried to seek some support with a friend. I really needed to talk to someone or just get some company. My friend gave me a very harsh respond and that surprised me and made me even more confused. While being emotional and a bit drunk I made things more complicated and instead of saying what really was on my mind about my dead friend I started to raise questions. This was received in the wrong way and we had an argument.
It is very easy to say "If you need a friend I will be there for you", but really being there is another thing it seems. I needed a friend at that time. Of course I understand the reaction, especially after the amount of alcohol my friend had been drinking. But then why can't people be more understanding about my behavior just a few hours after losing a friend in a knife fight?
To my friend Jori: I know we haven't spent time in some years but I still remember the time we had with a smile. I am writing this with tears in my eyes. Rest in peace my friend, I will always remember you.
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